Thursday, December 20, 2012

December 20th Braced For The End Of The World

     Getting Ready for tomorrow because tomorrow is December 21st. The shortest day of the year, the 1st day of winter, the last day of the Mayan 13th baktun & my Birthday! I am sure I will stay home not because I think it will be the end of the world (it won't be). But because of all the other crazy people out there that thinks it will be. Also all the other people out there that are going to the end of the world theme parties. So I'll play it safe and stay home and celebrate my birthday on Saturday. Also I wanted to leave you with a video. When spring comes you will find out one of my true loves, the Columbus Crew of the MLS. I can't get enough of them and I sure I will be sprouting off about them on here. But in the meantime I wanted to share the video that the fine people of the Columbus Crew put together to spread holiday cheer. This video stars US Men's National Team & Crew legend Frankie Hejduk, team defender Josh Williams and a bunch of dedicated Crew supporters singing a Coldplay inspired song. So sit back and enjoy the song.

Monday, December 17, 2012

The Beautiful Side of Humanity Dec 17th 2012

With all the ugliness in the world that seems to permeate our televisions , sometimes it's good to sit back and enjoy the spontaneous beautiful side of humanity.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Sunday December 16th. Because Today Is A Barry Day

 Sunday December 16th just feels like a Mandy kind of day.

  With this next song I picture all my friends listening to this wavering their lighters back and forth in a dark room. Some with tears in their eyes, others singing at the top of their lungs or both at the same time. Especially Stu Wilf.


Friday, December 14, 2012

Newtown Connecticut Shooting

I wish today never happened. I'm numb & dumbfounded. My thoughts & prayers go out to the victims & their families. Today is about mourning & showing love not politics. I think President Obama put it best with his eloquent and appropriate speech. I could write about what I am feeling and what I am thinking but I would rather just listen to Obama's speech and let the healing begin. Today America hurts.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

December 11th: Just Because This Song Rocks!

  It's Tuesday December 11 and I had a great day off from work. Did some sleeping, and watching TV. Put up some more Christmas lights and during all that I couldn't get this awesome song out of my head. It's a song written by comedian and very close friend of mine Mike Travers. He's a Pittsburgh native and he wrote this song about his hometown. It became such a hit there that it is now a television campaign for a local station. So, sit back and enjoy it. I promise you, you'll be singing it in no time.

Dec 10 2012: Nothing to Report

   I'll keep this entry short today! Today was great because I was able to spend it on this side of terra firma and not below it. Had some nice experiences with friends, co-workers, loved ones and my furry faces. But the real highlight of the day had to be getting into my warm fluffy bed. I was so tired and it was so cold that sometimes the best place to be is in the place you dream about being a superhero, rock star, or movie star. And with tomorrow off, I'm going to get some major zzzzz's in. Goodnight, hope tomorrow's entry is more entertaining.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

December 9, 2012: Winter Wonderland & Sasquatch

    Woke up this morning to a fresh layer of snow. I love snow when it's fresh. It looks like mother nature put fresh icing on a cake. Also it makes it feel more like Christmas. And that warms me up like hot coco with marshmallows , yummy.
     The day started off pretty well actually. We got a knock on the door by a young guy that obviously had some mental development issues. He asked us if we would let him shovel our walk for a couple of bucks. And if we didn't want to pay him he would do it anyway. We told him we could pay him three bucks if he wanted. He seemed pretty pleased and did our walk. Melissa made him some hot coco, and he was telling us how he was doing this to buy his mother a gift for Christmas. We thought that was pretty neat. He finished up, we wished him a Merry Christmas, then he went on his way leaving us with a clear walk way.
     Then I turned on the television to watch the Cincinnati Bengals play the Dallas Cowboys. Living out here I don't get to watch the Bengals very often.Which is probably a good thing, because they blew it today. Dallas didn't win that game as much as the Bengals lost that game. You can't win if your wide receivers can't hold on to very catchable balls. They had three sure fire TD's that they dropped. Plus numerous drops on third downs that could of continued drives that would of kept the Dallas offense off the field. Then it seemed the Bengals case of the "droppies" spread to their defense too, when three sure fire interceptions were also dropped. It was pathetic. When their head coach, Marvin Lewis, watches the tape, he's going to need a drink. But all is not lost for the Bengals, the Steelers and Ravens lost today keeping the Bengals in the hunt. Also the Brownies won today.
     Another reason I love snow. After the game I looked out the back window to see a gang of slate colored juncos fly into our back yard and start hopping around looking for seeds. They can see them better in the snow I guess. I love watching those little guys jump, flutter and chirp around. They look like little puffballs. While the juncos were rummaging around on the ground, there was a downy woodpecker pecking around on the fence. It was really neat to see all this bird action. That's when I realized I had a fresh block of suet that I could put out for the little buggers. I put that out, and I hope they find it quick. i also need to make sure to get some birdseed for the other birds too.
     After putting the suet out. Rudy and I went into the garage and got some Christmas lights and put them out on the front fence. I need to get some more strands for the windows I think. I love Christmas lights. I wish I could just do up my house like crazy. But living in an old house, over hundred years old, the electricity isn't set up for that. In fact we don't have any outside outlets. So, you can't put a whole lot out. I would love to get an electrician and have them put some outlets out there and stuff, but it costs money we don't have at the moment. Just something else to put on the list. Come on Publishing Clearing House, knock on our door.
     After that I made some Schroeder magic. No it's not what you think, get your minds out of the gutter people. It's when I look in the refrigerator and cupboards and take what we have and make a killer dinner out of it. Melissa coined that term, and she can be very annoying when she wants me to do some Schroeder magic. All kidding aside, I used my creativity today to make a nice indian inspired chicken curry. It was super yummy in my belly.
    The rest of the day was very uneventful. Being Sunday and all I like to veg. Ok I veg a lot, but Sundays are really meant for that aren't they? Doesn't it cover that somewhere in the bible? You know, the whole, on the seventh day he rested thingy.Who can argue with that? I surely ain't. I spent the rest of the day razzing Melissa and watching Finding Bigfoot on television. Mainly because I'm curious if they ever will find him. And, according to them, sasquatch is everywhere, yet no one has irrefutable scientific proof he exists. If they want proof, all they have to do is check out my neighbor Jerry's house. He's squatchy.

    Call me an optimist but this is what I hope the first interaction between Sasquatch and humans will be like.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

December 8th 2012 One Day Closer

     It's Saturday December 8th, one day closer to the end for all of us. Pretty depressing to put it like that isn't it? But it's true, why sugar coat it. But it does make you realize what a gift today is, and that you shouldn't take it or the experiences and people from today for granted. Well, except for that butthole that cut me off this morning. Wait, let me try to stay positive though, maybe they were in a hurry for the birth of their first child, right? No they were just a jackass.
     Let's get back to this journal. Not much really happened today worth reporting, or any revelations worth mentioning and contemplating over. It was just your basic run of the mill day. Went to work this morning, got through it pretty easily due to the light truck. Got off, came home. Then a sense of relaxation came over me knowing that tomorrow I have it off. You get the, "I can stay up late and sleep in fuzzy's." Then you start thinking what are you going to do tomorrow for fun. Put's you in a good state of mind. I was greated at the door by  Rudy. He's super cute, especially when he shakes his tail so hard it makes his body shimmy. If you can go with out petting that little guy then you must be Hitler. He's the Bomb. Check him out.

 I'm sure I've shared his picture with all of you before, but he's just so darn cute. After that I took a shower. Watched Tv, then blogged on my other blog The Daily Fart and then wasted to much time on Facebook and Twitter. One cool thing though about my twitter experience today. Apparently Ralphie May, the famous comedian, which I do enjoy his comedy, must of been screwed over by American Airlines because he was going off on them. And he started a hashtag on Twitter that went like #FuckAmericanAirlines and people were making little jokes about American Airlines with that tag. If Ralphie May liked what you tweeted he would retweet it. Apparently he liked a few of mine and retweeted 3 of my posts. I know it's not much but I thought it was pretty cool. So that's a highlight of this very uneventful day.
       I've wasted enough time on here today, so I think I'll get off here and go downstairs, cook some dinner and watch the movie Red Tails that I got from the library. maybe after that grab a beer, but in all likely hood I'll just watch some tv then go to bed. I warned you guys, not all my daily journal posts were going to be masterpieces. Hope you keep reading them.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Sick Of Christmas

   Ok, that might be extreme. In fact I love Christmas. It's my favorite holiday. And not because of the presents. Oh no, I love all the other cheesy stuff. the cheesy music and movies. The old animatronic children's specials. The lights, the trees, the stockings, the food, the treats and even the hideous christmas sweaters. But mainly the feeling that at least one day out of the year it seems no one wants to kill anybody.
   But you see I work in retail at a rather large store that seems everyone wants to go to and wreck. And then I have to spend 12 hours fixing and filling the holes on the shelves with everything from post it notes to power wheels(why in the world does a toddler need a tiny Mercedes is beyond me?). And being asked a million times a day "Do you have any Elf's on the Shelf's in the back room because I don't see any out here?" "No Miss if we did it would be out here." " Well could you be a doll and check in the back anyway, because the computer at home I checked yesterday says you do."  Really? Alrighty then, and why I'm at it could you please stand still while I punch you in the face? Then as I walk to the back of the store, again,  to check on something I know is not there, I pass a couple of children alone in the glass ornament row, (where's the parents? Probably in the shoe department trying on twenty pairs of pumps then piling the shoes & boxes on the floor three rows away from where they go, and in the wrong boxes to boot.) just as they drop a giant Yoda glass bulb (that's right Yoda, it's better then the Twilight series of glass bulbs) onto the floor and it shatters into a million pieces. They look up at me while laughing and run away. "Come back here you little brats and clean this up." Alas, like my therapist, they don't listen either. Then after checking for an item that wasn't there I am able to go back happily to my task of stocking the shelves with glitter covered pine cones that smell like cinnamon, mmmmmmm yummy. Of course now I'm covered in glitter and it's not the fabulous glitter that makes you feel spectacular kind. It's the "no officer, I am not the the west side sparkle bandit." kind. But thankfully, my shift came to an end and I am now home ready to pass out knowing that in a short nine hours I will back to do it all over again. So maybe the proper thing to say isn't that I'm sick of Christmas. But that I'm just a little bit tired of Christmas. Goodnight peeps.

Oh and P.S., to the very nice jewish couple that I helped with trying to find candles to fit their menorah. I know it's bullshit that in this very large store that is exploding at the seams with Christmas it isn't right that the only place where we have anything for the great holiday of  Hanukkah is one end cap near the row of notepads and cork boards. I know it's insensitive but at least you got an end cap. I didn't see anywhere in the 30,000 sq ft of the store one kinara for Kwanzaa or any Ramadan lanterns when that holy Muslim holiday is observed. So consider your self's lucky that you even got an end cap is all I'm saying.

                                              MERRY CHRISTMAS

                      HAPPY HANUKKAH

Thursday, December 6, 2012


Now That I have your attention. I think I forgot to mention this. If you want to read more of my sick stories check out my other blog The Daily Fart at I hope you find it entertaining. Let me know what you think. Oh I also forgot, a little more blunt self promotion, I am also designing t-shirts and things if anyone actually wants to buy them at zazzle here's that link . If you have any suggestions, please feel free to drop me a comment or two or three. Thanks for reading..

Damn this Daily Journal Worked

Well it only took what a week for me not to post in my daily journal? What a surprise huh? I'm here now, but with nothing really worth writing except I like cheese. I will get back on the horse again for my three readers out there, I promise. Thanks for standing by me mom, dad, and that creepy guy from Walmart.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Friday, November 16, 2012

Friday November 16th Nothing Exciting But Wafer Cookies

   After last nights exciting post this one's going to be pretty boring. Today was one of those days where nothing of note really happened or no epiphanies were reached.
    The highlight of the day had to be getting my first paycheck from my new place of employment. It's been over a month, and a lot of looking underneath seat cushions, since I had a steady flow of cash. So it felt good to be putting money into the bank.
     Since we had some money in our account we figured the pantry and fridge shelves needed to be stocked  so we headed to the local grocery store to do just that. But a word of caution. You should always go grocery shopping on a full stomach because if you don't you'll be buying things you want instead of what you need. After an hour and a half and almost $200 later, I'm pretty sure half the stuff we bought wasn't really needed for basic subsistence, we headed for the checkout lanes. You know you bought a lot when people getting in line behind you look for another lane to go through because they don't want to wait for you to check out. The cashier asked us if we found everything we needed. We told him yes and we think we left some stuff for the other shoppers. He rang us up and as our receipt printed the machine actually ran out of paper. As he replaced it he commented he had never seen that before. He printed the rest of the receipt and wished us a good day.
      We got home and were putting things away I started noticing the many frivolous buys and tried to justify their purchase. Hostess Snowballs, we had to buy because with Hostess's demise we will never have the opportunity to savor them again. Cheez-It's we need something to snack on in between meals. And wafer cookies, come on they are just so damn yummy. And why is that? Does anybody know why wafer cookies are so damn good? I don't think anyone knows. But why question such a great thing right? After we were finished putting everything away I stepped back and took stock of the situation. Our cupboards are full, the fridge is over flowing. We are now ready for a blizzard, any other natural disaster or a zombie apocalypse. And that makes me feel good. So let's crack open those wafer cookies.

Thursday Nov 15th Taking my Shirt off For a Good Cause.

    Sorry about the late post, but I slept in today due to the festivities I participated in last night.
Because of my television appearances for Cheers Liquor Mart  I was asked to participate in an event that Cheers Liquor Mart and I feel very strongly about, National Mill Dog Rescue . They held their  Holiday Hounds at the Warehouse restaurant here in Colorado Springs It was so great, they had free tastings from Cheer Liquor Marts many vendors plus restaurants and other great businesses from around the Pikes Peak region. But the major stars from last night had to be the dogs. They were all so sweet and personable even having been rescued from some of the worst living conditions one could imagine. There was one really sweet min pin that was being held like a baby by a volunteer and I approached her and she began licking my nose. I wanted to stuff her in my shirt and take her home with me. But then I thought that Rudy would get jealous and we can't have that. 
       The other great thing about last night were the free tastings. And that is why this post wasn't forthcoming until today. They had everything from wine, beer, vodka to moonshine. If you were an Irish man you would of died and gone to heaven. I enjoyed beers from Bristol, Lagunitas, Saranac, and Sierra Nevada to name just a few. Plus the Breckenridge Vodka and other offerings from the Breckenridge Distillery But the one thing that really stood out for me was the Crown Royal Maple I'm not much of a Crown Royal fan but this rare Canadian Whiskey was incredible. It was Canada in a bottle. It had the Crown Royal signature caramel vanilla nose. But the taste is where it took it to another level. The sweetness of the maple syrup came through the maltiness of the whiskey. It was so delicious. It tasted like you could of just poured it over a stack of pancakes and went to town. In fact I would argue that would be a great way to start the day off. Crown Royal Maple soaked flapjacks. This may take more research. 
       Another great thing about last night were all the awesome people that came out to support this very worthy cause. They were all so gracious with their time and their wallets to help make sure that more deserving dogs can be rescued and taken care of. I would like to think I have a few more friends because of last night. I also want to thank the people who personally contributed to me as I helped raise $170 by myself for the National Mill Dog Rescue organization. How did I do this do you ask? Well by exploiting my natural gifts of course. I took my shirt off and announced it would not go back on until I have raised $150. Well to say the money came quickly would be an understatement. My pockets filled with one's, five's, ten's and twenty's faster then a strippers garter belt after a pole dance.  I shot by the $150 mark to $170 dollars in less then fifteen minutes. Thanks everybody I greatly appreciate it, but the dogs appreciate it even more. It was an incredible night that I will not soon forget. I hope if you were there last night you won't forget it either.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

November 14, 2012 What Up Dog?

    Today was pretty uneventful, until I got home. I opened the door and knew right away that something was astray. My cute fuzzy lil tater tot on toothpicks wasn't at the door barking excitedly like he normally is when I come home. I opened the door and the first thing I see is the face of my dog peeking out from behind the chair with a look of "Uh Oh he's home." I knew exactly what was going to welcome me in the kitchen. I turn the corner into the kitchen and almost tripped over the garbage can that was on it's side. There was trash scattered all over the floor. In fact you couldn't see the floor at all. There was even trash in the cat and dog water dishes. Then I turned around and saw that the destruction wasn't only limited to the kitchen but he also dragged trash into the living room and there were little pieces of tore up aluminum foil all over the place. I think he ate some of that. Great, that means he'll poop out little chunks of silver. I felt a swell of anger well up inside of me. I began to scream at the poor little creature. I yelled at him like he was a little person that could understand every thought I was communicating. But I know in all actuality, to him it just sounds like angry noise. He cowered low to the floor and began to shake as he slunk away behind the chair. I moved the chair with anger, but as soon as I saw the shape he was in and the those sad eyes looking at me while his body shivered I felt another feeling overcome me. It was guilt as I began to feel like as big of an asshole as Donald Trump. This poor little guy didn't deserve this. So I fell to my knees and began petting him and apologizing profusely. I was begging for his forgiveness. And that's whats great about dogs. He did forgive me happily . He started to lick my face and his body began to shake back and forth as he shook his tail so hard that I thought it was going to fall off. Dog's can teach us a lot. They can teach us the lesson of forgiveness and of unconditional love because all they want is for you to love them and they will love you in return no matter how much of a jerk you are. They can also teach the importance of living in the moment. They don't think of the stupid things you did to them a week ago or worry about whats going to happen tomorrow. They just know that right now you're rubbing their belly and they love it and they love you for it. Thanks Rudy for that lesson.

      But that wasn't all that happened to this guy today when he came home today from work. After the trash debacle was cleaned up and Rudy and I had made up, I got a very nice telephone call. I'm not sure if you guys know this or not, but I have been know to do tv commercials from time to time around the country in places like Columbus, Casper, Milwaukee, Detroit, Omaha, Edmonton, Halifax and here in Colorado Springs. And today I got a phone call from the lady in charge of marketing at Cheers Liquor Mart. She had called me to ask if I wanted to a public appearance at their yearly wine and beer tasting. Of course I jumped at the chance. Turn down free booze, never. Then she asked me if I would like to do some public appearances at Cheers Liquor Mart several times this holiday season to hand out cookies and things to customers waiting in line. Apparently the lines get pretty long as people buy alcohol to help them get through the holidays. I again eagerly said yes. Then she asked me the kicker that really made my day. She asked me if I would do more commercials for them next year. Heck yes I will. Those things were fun. So let me apologize now to the fine folks of Colorado Springs. Looks like you're getting more of this.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Tuesday November 13 City Builder

     Don't let the title fool you. I didn't spend this beautiful day helping building a better society or create harmony in the city I live in. No I did something that was much harder. I built an entire city with it's zoning, services, and infrastructure from the ground up. All the while keeping my citizens happy and employed. I am a demigod. Well at least in Sim City 4. That's right I wasted the entire day building a make believe city in a make believe world. How pathetic huh? I said to myself I would only play for thirty minutes. But as the buildings grew, and my tax revenue raised, I got caught up in the whole thing. Yes my SIMs need more education, I built them a school, then a college, and finally a University. Wait my city needs culture, so I build museums then an art museum, and finally an opera. My SIMs are now afraid of the crime wave sweeping through this growing city. I need more police stations and now I need a jail so that goes in. And so on and so on until 100'000's of new SIM's are flock to my utopia city. Then an expansion MLB baseball team wants to come to my city, I build a stadium for them. Suddenly they are cheering my name and want to build a giant statue of me. Of course why not? But let's make it a focal point of the cities gleaming new center. So I create a square surrounded by parks and landmarks. Then I build skyscrapers like the CNN tower and the Empire State Building. My city is becoming a metropolis. A shining beacon of hope and progress. And I am the leader of this Capital of Perfection. I am adored by my SIM's. They name children after me. Paint masterpieces of me. My birthday is a national holiday celebrated by them. This must be how Hitler felt. Of course minus all the persecution of the jews and warmongering. I am great. Call me Schroeder the Magnificent HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (Evil Laugh)!!! Then suddenly the phone rings, and I am snapped back to reality and the realization that I just wasted six hours of my life that I will never get back. I'm not magnificent, I'm ridiculous.

Monday, November 12, 2012

November 12, 2012 First post

     I always wanted to keep a journal but always got lazy and didn't write in it everyday. So I figured why not post a public journal on line. Maybe by making it public will light a fire under my ass to keep posting everyday? I guess we'll find out. I hope this journal will keep my thoughts straight and will be entertaining for anybody who decides to read it. But I am sure most day's will be filled with the dribble of my everyday life that no one, including me, will find interesting. But here we go.
    Today was Monday November 12, 2012 and 4:45 AM came way to early. When the alarm went off I thought about throwing it in the microwave and zapping it for 20 minutes. But then I thought, "well it's not really the alarms fault for going off. It's the man that forces me to get up and participate in this capitalist society . So I got up and and wiped the sleep out of my eye and ate a banana to get ready to face the day. And what a chilly day it was. Oh and by the way I think it should be illegal for anyone to have to get up before the sun rises. I mean the only thing up this early are the raccoons and the meth heads stealing copper.
    I got to work about 5:30Am at a retail store that will remain nameless. I spent the morning stocking the section of the store that contains everything from thank you cards to candles, to pens and pencils. I like it actually because as you start getting into the many boxes time just seems to fly by and the next thing you know it's time to go home.
    When I got home I was greeted at the door by my furry face Rudy. He's a happy mutt that is half corgi and half cattle dog. He looks like a tater tot on toothpicks. Just looking at him makes you smile.

Rudy is an old soul that we rescued from the humane society . And he always wants to be up in your grill.  He's so cute, like a sickly sweet cuteness that makes your belly ache like when you eat to much candy. He's a great companion, we consider him to be a blessing.
     After I got home I took a nap, I woke up a couple hours later to the smell of chili cooking on the stove. Melissa made some homemade turkey chili that was very good and cleared my sinuses. It was supper yummy in my belly. After dinner we watched a mini marathon of Finding Bigfoot. I am just wondering, when the hell are they actually going to find bigfoot. Come on already, these shows are all becoming redundant. A whole lot of looking and inconclusive evidence. I for one would just love it if some of these witnesses would actually shoot one. I mean, most of the time they have hunting rifles with them. Why the hell don't they just squeeze off a few rounds and the instant evidence. Come on man. And another thing. These people are to quick to think everything is a bigfoot. You hear that? Yes that's a bigfoot. Please, it's a coyote.
     Well, the evening is late and I am very tired. I hope you enjoyed the first of many journal entries. And please feel free to comment and give me feedback. I enjoy that. Good night readers.