Why are people surprised by shark attacks? If a shark walked into my house, I’d kill it.
On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day. I must be an Olympic athlete.
I feel really fat right now.
I lost my job as an instructor at a cosmetology school because my definition of a facial didn't match with their curriculum.
I just like saying the word marsupial.
When I belch it tastes like peanut butter and shame.
You can't get any whiter than the Lawrence Welk Show.
Bachelorettes, instead of penis party favors at your parties why don't you mix it up and be different and use nut sack party favors. Then you would have a place to keep your beer.
Sometimes you just have to fist pump!
I just learned that cats show off their buttholes to tell you that they are comfortable with you. People should do that too.
Sitting here eating potato chips & watching cat videos on youtube. Man, I really need a hobby.
I wonder if Canadians think of the United States as their Mexico?
I wish sex was as easy to have as they make it out to be on all these TV shows. Then maybe I wouldn't watch TV as much
I truly believe humans increased their intelligence to invent the automobile so we wouldn't ever have to run again.
Another wasted day, I'm a slug fish.
And there you go my Monday January 14th 2013. I can only hope and dream that tomorrow brings a much better, healthier and productive day. But in the meantime, please feel free to continue thanking God your day was better than mine. Until next time stay confused.